I’ll have a blue Christmas without you.

Oh yeah, I’m going there. But this isn’t a ‘woe is me’ post, I just wanted to talk about being single at Christmas time. This is the first time I’ve been properly single at this time in around ten years. That may sound like I’m exaggerating but I am 25, almost 26, and I’ve had two fairly long relationships in that time. I also had one small but wonderful one which very sadly had to end recently because we couldn’t make it work.

I’m not going into all the details of past relationships or moan about exes, I don’t have a bad thing to say about any of them (well, maybe after some wine with the girls once or twice I’ve slurred their shortfalls…) Instead, I want to look at how I’m adapting to it and what I’m doing to replace the present giving and all the cute couple-y stuff that dominates instagram at this time of year.

First off, all single girls who enjoy being single and have no plans to change this, I salute you. You’ve got your shit together and you probably don’t need to read on. To all the single girls who hate this time of year because of the couples, I am sorry for what I did when I wasn’t one of you. I’m sorry for posting ‘the boy did good’ photos, I’m sorry for gloating over my relationship and neglecting single friends at Christmas. Now I’m not calling for photos and facebook posts to stop, I had every right to do that and I was happy so I wanted to share it. However, I’m very aware of how much I neglected my friends. Right now, I’m incredibly lucky to have found myself single at the same time as three of my closest friends. We all work together and pretty much all live together so there is no chance when they are around that I’ll feel sad in any way. It’s impossible to be sad when you have three other strong women holding you up. When I wasn’t single, I was guilty of putting my relationships first in every matter, even in front of time with my family. I also barely see my friends who have boyfriends now I’m single, it’s like I’ve lost my membership to the club. So I now solemnly swear that if I find myself in a new relationship, I’m going to do my best to change my attitude to it and remember who’s also important.

Why is it so hard to be single at this time of year? Well actually, it’s not, as I’m discovering. I panicked immediately when I realised I’d be single for Christmas, thinking ‘Oh god, I’ve no one to…’ wait a minute. No one to what with?

Go to the Christmas Market? I did it twice this year, once to catch up with a friend who lives in Barcelona the rest of the year and the second time with two of my best friends, my amazing mum and gran all together. We had hot apple gins, browsed the stalls at leisure and cackled merrily.

Oh but what about present giving? There’s the obvious, ‘I’m saving money not buying them something’ chat. What did I do? Bought myself presents. I treated myself to a new domain name for this, a dress from Topshop and a new beautiful leopard print, pony skin purse. I imagine I’ve picked better gifts than any ex ever could. Only person who’s not chuffed is my Mum because she’s had to take over the buying of the Chanel perfume…

What about a kiss at midnight on Hogmanay? This is a toughie, because the 31st is my birthday. I’m spending it with my family and my flatmate Lauren this year, which I’m looking forward to, but I think of all the events that will sting a bit, that will be the one. I’ll let you know how I get on, I doubt I’ll find a babe at the Golf Club Christmas do…

What about just having someone to BE with? Get a grip. I spend Christmas day and boxing day with my family every year without fail, I’m engulfed with people to be with. The harder days have been the run up to it, especially being ill a lot recently. But I’ve made it to Christmas Eve and I’m still a functioning and happy human being, even though I’m single.

I’m going to dedicate my time to family and friends this year, not just because I don’t have someone else to take up any of it, but because I want to. I’m also going to spend a lot of time on myself, because in the words of the true Queen…

If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?


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